We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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