put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
