your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
