That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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