DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
