doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
