Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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