He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
