im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
