Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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