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woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
