I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
