you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize