he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
