I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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