oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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