He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
