walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
