Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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