i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
