stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
