Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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