One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
