what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
