Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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