like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
