If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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