You're so nebulous sometimes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
