It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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