Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
