so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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