im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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