so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
