I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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