1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
accomplished twins. life is a go
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
