i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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