i permit you to call me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
