The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
