Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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