i think i have two assholes
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
