Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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