What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we should paint friendship bongs
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