allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
