Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
