I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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