in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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