Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
