so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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