MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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