that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
