You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we have officially lost it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
