I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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