There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The dick lei will go down in squad history
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize