I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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