There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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