So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
