hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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