Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize