I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Boobs speak an international language.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
