That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
