I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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