you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
