please come you make the beer taste better
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
