I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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