I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
