You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize