Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
