Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
