when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
