we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
