There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
