apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
