She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
